Question from Jennifer Mullen:

I’m 29 and have been married to my husband for 3 years.  We have a 2 year old and one on the way.  I believe that we have a good solid relationship. But I think my husband feels differently. I think he’s a little disappointed in our relationship, most especially in me.  He’s expressed many times that he wished that we had a more passionate sex life. I have to admit that a big part of this is my fault since sex isn’t something I particularly enjoy.  He says that he understands that my feelings are probably stemming from my past but thinks I should see someone and get help.  My first 13 years i lived with my biological parents.  My father was very abusive physically, emotionally and sexually.  I went through years of counseling and feel that I’ve overcome most of it.  The only thing that I still deal with is being sexually intimate with someone.  I’m usually tense and wishing that it’ll be over soon. I know that my husband has a right to feel what he is feeling but it adds more pressure on me. I would love to enjoy being intimate with him (he’s the only person I’ve ever been with) and have a great sexual relationship. I just don’t know how to go about changing how I feel.


Dr. Dan’s Answer:

Thank you for taking the time to write in for help. I agree with your husband and feel this is something that must be worked through. I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you in your past. This is not something that will go away and this is something that will be passed on to your children even without telling them. I have seen it too many times where the kids take on the baggage of what happens to there parents in there past. We want to get through this and become stronger than ever from it. I know it doesn’t sound like it right now, but you will grow stronger through this if you choose to. There is a lesson in everything in life and we grow from it if we choose to listen. You must work through this and this is not something you can do on your own. I can give you some simple things to do to get past this fast. When you do then you will be able to truly experience your husband on a whole new level. When you do this it is the merging of 2 people into one new person. This is what marriage is about. The merging of 2 into 1. That is why it is important to grow through this so you can take this new path in your life and make sure that your children will not repeat this in there life and skip it. Otherwise it is just repeated from generation to generation in one-way or another.


The Real Love Guru,

Dr. Dan


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